The Johns Offical Website

Onarga: my stomach hurts, does your stomach hurt?

Carly:  not at all

I have been eating cookies for breakfast

It’s a very un-Durst thing to be doing

 

Onarga: Durst?

Fred?

Carly:  duh

Onarga: if that’s the only Un-Durst thing you’re doing today then I would say you’re having more than an off day

Carly:  well, I am sure there are more

But my definition of Durst consists solely of the fact that he is a guy who wants people to stick cookies in their HUH!

Onarga: I don’t’ think it’s that he wants YOU to stick anything in you "huh!" unless you’re asking him to accept cookies over nookie

Is that the case?

Carly:  I told you, my understanding of Durst is very basic

Onarga: As is your misunderstanding of Durst

Carly:  it’s a direct result

No shit

Onarga: he’s only got that one rule: don’t ask him to substitute his Nookie for anything, least of all cookies, lest said confectionary delight be inserted painfully into your own rectum

Oh, "Huh!” depending on how you interpret the latter

Carly:  as a subset of that rule, I think we can also safely say that Durst’s only motivation (for anything) is nookie

If you want him to watch your dog, you’ll be paying him in nookie, or you’ll be looking elsewhere for a sitter

Onarga: Question:

Onarga: Suppose Mr. Durst visits his mother on his birthday, his mother has made him some cookies in celebration of the event, did she get him to come over on the promise of nookie? And will she have to up the "Nookie ante" to get him anywhere near these hypothetical cookies?

Carly:  easy

His mother serves him the cookie on a stripper’s va-j

I mean, this is Fred Durst’s Mom we’re talking about, right?

Onarga: Are we then to assume that this lack of motivation in the face of anything NOT nookie can, in someway, be attributed to the way Mother Durst raised young Fred?

Carly:  not on its own

Unless, that is, Durst was raised in a vacuum

Onarga: A listen to his music gives the impression that he was

Let’s suppose he wasn’t though, for the sake or argument

Onarga: At what point did "nookie" become the great motivator? One which, clearly, given the Vaj-ookie, is one his mother supports, or rather, enables, even if she herself doesn’t endorse it

Carly:  or, has she come to embrace this characteristic, formed entirely separate from any influence of her own?

As a way to bridge the divide, created by Fred’s angst over "the way things are in the world today"?

Onarga: So, then, the Vaj-ookie came very late in her parenting failure of Fred then, and she simply took to using it as a means of spending more time with her son

Interesting

Do you suppose royalties on his "Bizkit" records come in the form of "Nookie"?

And how do you split that up, points-wise, on the publishing?

Carly:  doesn’t matter, as long as Fred gets as much nookie as he thinks its worth

Whatever is left, the band splits

Onarga: huh

This is interesting

Perhaps we should write a paper on this "Mr. D"

That song is like Mr. D’s own personal "what would you do for a Klondike bar" theme song

Carly:  sears

His answer?

fuckin’ NOTHING!

Onarga: you know what this needs to be?

A mutherfuckin’ BLOG, yo!

Carly: sears